A frank discussion about adoption

Someone asked me some questions about our adoption, and I would like to address them.  Unlike some bloggers, I don't usually get questions.  I hope I can do this justice.

Laura, you have a beautiful family, the kids are so cute. Congrats too on becoming grandparents. My hubby and I are first time grandparents and the little one has re-awakened the mothering instinct in me. Soon I stumbled onto Reece's Rainbow website and fell in love with those children. Now I desperately want to adopt but since our children are grown my hubby is not ready to commit to another child. We are at odds about this and I'm waiting for him to change his mind but the wait is killing me. How did you and your husband decide to adopt? Thanks so much. Rosie.   http://lovepinkroses.blogspot.com/

Rosie, this is such a complex issue.  I think that lots of things in a marriage are really hard to negotiate in the first place, since two people often have such different ideas of priority, and adoption ranks up there really high in difficulty.  When we first met, we both admitted that we wanted a large family (not a popular idea when we were young) and discussed it at length, and about the possibility and probability of adoption.  Over the years, I was the one who longed for, and even obsessed about adoption, although my husband always stated that he was willing.

We did have that large family, mostly through birthchildren (he already had a daughter when we met) and there was never enough money to realistically consider adoption (and our house was full, so we couldn't pass that qualification, either.)  For twenty years, I longed to add more children through adoption to our rambunctious, and oh-so-loving family.  I felt it would be just what any child without a family would need.  Would our busting-at-the-seams household, and rowdy clan have been just what the doctor ordered for a lonely orphan?  I guess it would depend on the orphan.  I know that now, but there's no way to tell, since we never got to try, all those years ago.

Through various ups and downs, including the uncomfortable weight of debt, we found our way to me being a full-time working mom, and my husband going to college, to start a new career, after an injury derailed his very physical job.  Several of our older kids had moved on to their adult lives, and we now had some empty rooms in the house, and an income which would actually qualify us to adopt, although we had so many poverty years to catch up on, that we certainly didn't feel "comfortable."  However, our age was staring me in the face, and I knew it would be an issue soon, and I also wondered how long I'd have the stamina to keep raising kids.

 I also stumbled upon Reece's Rainbow, and even though I'd never had any desire to adopt special needs children (I'd only wanted children that I considered would be capable of growing up to be fully functional) there was something about them that gripped me.  So many little faces, and after spending hours looking at one after another, I began to see their individuality, and not the Down syndrome, or the "special need."  I began to see their beauty, which I hadn't seen before, and I began to think that I could be capable of being their mother, and the one to love them, and grow them up.  My husband, however, was not poring over pictures, obsessing and dreaming about them.  He was not interested in changing the plan we'd had all along to adopt older typical kids or a sibling group.

I started showing him pictures, and saying "what about this one?"  He kept saying no, and finally, I asked him, "Why do you keep saying no?  Do you have something against Down syndrome?  You're the one who's always said, 'Kids are kids first.'"  Then he told me that he didn't want to have children who would never walk, and never be toilet-trained.  He just didn't know much about Down syndrome, so that opened our discussion, and we decided that any children we adopted really needed to be as healthy as possible, because of our rural location, and distance from hospitals.  The child I had the computer screen open to was Big Girl, and he told me to go ahead and check on her, and to see if there were two others at her orphanage.  I feel that God led us to Big Girl that way, and the other two also, because they were the first ones I inquired about, and they were the ones we were given.

I have more to say about this subject, so I'll continue it next time.  For now, here are some pics:

Riding her brother's dirt bike

When she's not being a moody teenager, this girl is funny and perceptive.

Test run of the swing that Mom designed, and Dad built.

Everything on this swing is solid, with heavy duty chain, swivel joints, and a big spring-- except the seat, which is a plastic bucket lid.  We wanted something light, so they wouldn't clunk each other with it, but it's not big enough, and they keep tipping off.  Also, Dad says the bolts will be adjusted for safety.

It was lots of fun to swing around in a wide arc.

Well, when a fight breaks out, that signals the end of the test run.  So the swing went inside, and we'll figure out a better seat, and adjust the bolts for safety.

Little Girl is a champion tantrumer, but don't worry, Big Girl can stand up for herself!