This post is for my daughter, who is shipping out, and wanted some new pictures before she doesn't have a good internet connection anymore.  Here's to you, honey!

Some old skin smooching on some new skin.

What could be more precious?

Grandma wasn't the only one who thought she owned a new baby!

Just keeps getting cuter!

These adorable hats came from Asia.

I just wanted them to pose with their arms around each other, but they decided to hug full-on.

Cute little racoon boy

To me, that smile is worth gold!

Our oldest son is now working full-time, and self-supporting (sort of!)  Good job, honey!

Smiley sisters

Realities and dealing

I've been reading lots of other people's blogs lately, and I'm seeing a theme, which is that some people have adopted children who were not what they expected.  These parents (mostly mothers, since few fathers blog) have a lot of angst, and tend to feel guilty, since their children are not what they expected, and they feel they have not made "the connection" or they don't feel as though the child is really theirs, or they have thoughts about sending their child back or letting another family try, etc.  Reactive attachment disorder is a very real concern, and no prospective adoptive parent should discount that possibility.  Anyway, many of these parents have felt that other people have it all rosy, and they feel angry that by chance someone else got the fun kid, and they got the broken kid.  I'd like to address this, not because I'm such a great adoptive parent, but because I have nine kids now, and 24 years of experience parenting biological, step, and adoptive children, and if anyone wants to listen, I have a little bit of opinion to impart.

I'll start by saying that I mostly keep a blog, so that other parents who are considering adoption, and specifically Down syndrome can come check it out, and get acquainted with the idea, and explore a bit vicariously, since for many it can be a foreign idea, and overwhelming.  I learned most of what I know about Down syndrome through the blog network of Reece's Rainbow parents, and definitely was much more prepared for what we encountered with our children.  I have tried to show the beauty of my children, which is what entrances me about them, and is why my photos are flattering, for the most part (I don't like unflattering photos of myself, so why would my kids?)  I have tried to tell the down and dirty reality though, also, without scaring off poor innocent souls.  I want people to understand that it is hard, hard work, and very, very slow progress, and can be discouraging (a lot) but also that if you want to jump in and try, you'll have beautiful rewards, and precious children.

As a parent, I've had a lot of correction of my expectations.  My kids were much more beautiful than I expected, and my family says it's just me, that it's my eyes that see them this way, and that they're not any more attractive than the rest of the kids out there.  There may be some truth to this, as I now think that I have the most lovely children with Down syndrome ever to walk the earth.  I look at them and marvel, and am not surprised when strangers compliment me on how adorable they are, and I'm always surprised when people look at them askance.  Can't they see what I see?

Back to expectations:  I expected that homeschooling our children would produce little professors, and although they were mostly all good students, some of them ended up full of trivia, and some of them ended up being really interested in and good at stuff that we didn't actually teach them.  I'm still disappointed that after all that handwriting practice, I'm not close to satisfied, we have no great spellers, and all those years of piano lessons were wasted (unless you consider how much the brain works both sides while reading music, and playing with both hands-- this is how I comfort myself.)

A big family was a lot more noisy than I anticipated-- actually painfully so, sometimes, and a bunch of my kids get along so much better than I ever hoped-- but some of them don't get along at all, and that hurts me so much.

When we first met our Little Boy, I felt quite comfortable diagnosing him with some form of autism, either intrinsic or at least institutionally induced.  He let us know in no uncertain terms that we were not part of his world, not welcome in it, and the sooner we left, the better.  He had classic characteristics:  staring at lights, fascination with inanimate objects, spinning things and flashing lights, hand flapping, rocking, and forget about eye contact.  I knew it the minute I saw him, and the first day we saw him was the day we were asked to decide if we wanted him or not.  I had no hesitation in saying yes, because I'm always up to a challenge, had traveled around the world to get him, and wasn't going to go home without him if I could help it.  Later I had doubts, lots of them, and expressed them to my husband.  He's very unemotional about stuff like that, and said, "He'll be what he'll be.  We'll give him the opportunity to come out of his shell, and get to know us, and if he does, he does, and if he doesn't, then that's his choice, and there's not much we can do about it.  Either way, he'll have a better life than in the orphanage, and he'll have the chance to have an actual childhood.  It's just our job to be obedient to God, and raise him the best way we know how."  So, it's always been pretty black and white about Little Boy.  I said, "It's a good thing we got three, because the girls make up for the fact that he doesn't give any warm fuzzies!"

Big Girl felt like mine from day one, even though she wanted to attack me to pull my hair.  I knew she wanted to be loved, wanted to have a mommy who loved her dearly, and she was so affectionate, especially to me, and seemed to know that I'd come looking for her.  It took no time to cure the hair pulling once we got home.  She is the most socially awkward of the three, though, in spite of being much more people-oriented than Little Boy, because she doesn't know how to make a pleasing impression on people, and just wants to jump on them, "Love me!  Love me!"  She can be intimidating, believe me.  She also makes a lot more weird sounds, faces, and mannerisms than the other two.  Just makes me wonder if she has some medications in her past.

It took a long time for Little Girl to feel like she was mine, because she loved everyone, and expected everyone to love her back.  She got a lot of attention for being so cute, and still does.  As people often said, "She sure knows she's cute, doesn't she?"  She has been very persistent, though, at treating me like a mother, and because of that, I know she's bonded to me, and I'm bonded to her.  I'm the first person she wants, seeks out, follows and emulates.

I didn't feel warmly toward Little Boy for a long time.  I felt like I was babysitting, but my two sons took him into their hearts from the first moment.  A brother!  I think that's all it was, and he was politely receptive of their enthusiastic overtures.  To this day, the boys believe that he's the smartest of the three little kids, even though he consistently performs about 6 months behind the girls on most things, except talking and signing, in which he's way behind the girls.  He is still not as emotionally available as the girls are, but we leave him to his own devices, for the most part, and little by little, he has approached the family unit, learning by watching others, and eventually taking part.  He has finally learned to give a kiss.  For a long time, this was not something he felt any obligation to do.  He had no interest if you kissed him, and certainly wasn't going to waste effort trying to kiss you.  But finally, he does.  I can see that it makes him very happy to make that connection, and we are happy for these tiny things that he gives us.  He would still rather play outside all day by himself, but surrounded by love and warmth, he is slowly responding.  I don't want to give the impression that we require nothing of him.  He is expected to respond when called, come to the table for mealtimes, hold hands and be quiet for prayer times, and take his turn at the potty.  I had to insist that he learn how to dress himself, and he still likes to play helpless when it comes to that, but once he has mastered a skill, he is very proud of himself.  It just takes a lot of crying, and tantruming first.

I hope this post helps some of the other parents who feel like their kid isn't what they expected.  Sure, I feel like they do, in thinking that I'm not doing everything I can do to help them reach their full potential, but I'm also cognizant that some of these kids have a lot of healing to do before they can even start on the full potential path.  After the healing makes it possible, many of them need to revert to an earlier age to fill in gaps.  I think our three are at a two year old stage right now, with lots of need to be independent, need to figure it out for themselves, and not just take our word for it, which means lots of ignoring and even some defiance.  "You don't know what you're talking about" is written right on their faces, but more often it's "You're not the boss of me!" Three kids with this attitude is a lot of hard work, and the world is a dangerous place for a kid with this attitude.  It's scary, and I hope they grow out of it in a timely fashion, even though I know the Down syndrome clock seems to run on a different sort of time.

Little Boy "helping" Dad.

Actually, he's pretty much in his own world here.  He loves water, and he loves being outside -- no boundaries.  Can't keep shoes on him, either.

I believe that nature is very healing, and offers an amazing array of ever-changing stimuli.

This little girl pulled a television set over on herself.  Fractured a clavicle and the top of the humerus.  Orthopedics consult said a sling is the best way to go nowadays.  No casting needed.

Been something of a crab with her owies, but she adapted to the sling quickly, and learned how to do everything left-handed.

Here's Big Girl, who's always happy to give Mom some smiles, although she starts to get over the top with the extra attention, and starts throwing herself around, and laughing like crazy.

 

Here she is manipulating something in front of her face, while singing and talking to herself.  Is this something to worry about, or is it a way to defuse?  I don't know.  For now, I try to engage her in something more interesting, but this is a default of hers.

One thing's for certain, this is a happy little girl who loves life, and loves her family.  She is happy to be here, I have no doubt!

Grandson visit

We had our oldest grandson here to visit for almost a week. How fun! He is very active, and very sweet. He loves to talk, ask questions, and he's always hungry, but not for cherries, blueberries, cheese, or anything else that I have around for healthy snacking. "What does your mom usually give you at home when you ask for something to eat every hour?" I wondered. "Oh, anything I want!" he answered breezily.

Someone new in the picture, who really enjoyed all the silly faces his big auntie was making.

Click on this picture to see some crazy long eyelashes.  He was watching his big auntie curl her eyelashes, and he exclaimed, "Don't do that to me!"   

Wrinkling his nose...

Those tongue exercises are really paying off!  When I tell you that all three kids had such low tone that their tongues that felt like a piece of liver, you'll be impressed that she can do this now!

Our oldest grandson, and his beloved uncle, who got a little worn out from lots of questions.  He's used to the kind of little kids who bug you without talking...

Look at this girl!  She learned this from our grandson.  First run with the swing, then jump on, and straighten up to standing, while swinging.

This takes some strength, and balance!

Ta-Da!

Pretend Play

A little update on how the kids are developing:  I've continued to really push speech development, and the girls are talking more, or at least are trying harder.  Big Girl is starting to say words so that they're occasionally understandable.  She's talked a lot as long as we've had her, but we couldn't understand her.  Now, I can figure out that she starts a lot of sentences with, "You have to..."  I had a feeling she was probably pretty bossy, but now I'm becoming more sure.

Today I asked the girls, "Where is Little Boy?"  (Of course, I used his name) and Big Girl answered, "You have to yell, 'Little Boy.' "  (Of course, she also used his name, and said it in a falsetto, like you would if you were calling someone.)

Little Girl gestured toward two lawn chairs sitting in the middle of the sidewalk, and said something, and when I thought about it, I decided it sounded like she said "There's chairs."  We're at the stage where no one hears what they say, except me, but I also have the most invested since I'm the one who's with them the most, and I do the mouth and tongue exercises, and work with them to pronounce words, so it could be my imagination, but I doubt it.

Little Boy picks a sound, repeats it for months, and then never says it again.  Right now he says, "mama" but not like it's a name, or my name, but just like it's the sound he says when he wants to say something.  He started with "yeah" using all kinds of inflections, then went to "gah!" and then "ba-ba-ba-ba" and now "mama."  I say that he's trying out the whole alphabet before he decides to start talking.

He uses signs, occasionally spontaneously, so he does communicate, but he obviously feels that the burden of responsibility lies with the other person.  There is no making him talk, that's for sure.  I put him through the same exercises as the girls, but they are eager to please, and really make a good attempt, while he looks at me like I'm an interesting science experiment.  I was trying to get him to say "cookie" and was right in his face, modeling the pursed lips for him, while slowly enunciating the word, "cooooo-kie" and he suddenly leaned in and planted a big smooch on my lips, so obviously we're communicating on some level.

Little Girl is a champion pretender.

Another mom who blogs said she imaginatively named this game "bottles and lids."

I didn't get the idea from her, but because the play food was so unidentifiable, I thought they'd be able to relate to containers like the ones Mom actually uses.  I don't drink out of the shampoo bottle, though, I promise!

Different day, this little girl was so cute, pretending to feed the dolly.

So cute, I couldn't resist, and had to join in.

Big Girl rarely pretends, but would rather sit and manipulate a toy in front of her face over and over again, while talking to herself.  I've been meaning to work on teaching her to play, so we got her in the act, and brought in some more props...

She was more than happy to join in, and jumped right in, pretending with the best of us.

I didn't mention that S. saw we were having a tea party, and playing mommies to the babies, so she joined in, too.  Once upon a time, she used to love tea parties for dolls with tiny porcelain dishes.

It helps that we've been hanging out with our new Baby Boy, so taking care of babies is definitely current event.

Chief cook and bottle washer.  She can often be found, whipping up something delicious on the play stove.  Thanks to her big sister N. for the lovely play kitchen!

Meanwhile, the nature boy had better things to do, like discover the properties of water.

Actually, he did sit with us for awhile and pretend, but apparently play food doesn't measure up to real food.  Besides, Little Girl got annoyed with him because he kept trying to give her doll a drink through her foot.  Boys!

Sum-sum-summertime!

We live in a desert, and rarely see rain, so sheets of it like this are something to get excited about!  S. spontaneously grabbed Big Girl, and ran with her out to celebrate.  

Dad grabbed a kid, too, and rushed out!

Afterwards, we actually had puddles!  S. got to cavort like a little kid.  Good to see she hasn't lost her childish enthusiasm!

Little Girl didn't want the fun to be over, either.

Precious Pet.  Actually, more like Precious Pita.  That's our family's euphemism for "'pain in the ---."  Hey!  You didn't hear me say it!  This girl is a champion whiner lately, if that gives you any idea why I'd hint that...

Did you ever think you'd see this?  That's an apricot, by the way, which isn't the sweetest fruit out there, and let's face it, has a mushy texture.  Plus, it's fresh!  That used to be three strikes, but these days, he's more adventurous when it comes to fresh stuff.

Yep!  He likes it!  And he's even figured out how to take out the pit.  Now for cherry pits...

Adorable baby

Is it just me, or is Baby Boy especially scrumptious?

He obviously shares Little Boy's disgust of lettuce.

"Holy Smokes!  A fork!  What do you want me to...??" 
He can relax.  We want him to get fat on his mama's milk!

We have been so blessed this year.  We have eaten much homegrown produce this season, and we had a bumper crop of apricots.  I made two batches of jam, and froze a ton to use in smoothies and cobbler.  This was the last head of lettuce... sniff, sniff...

It was so hot, it was 130 degrees in the sun!  You know that's right because it's "ACU-RITE!"

Just having a little fun...

Just having a little fun with the edit program, and making the pictures look old-timey. Do I have the prettiest babies, or what?